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Fanficiton: Cold

I don't even know, but...

guys. I finished a "fanfic" I have started months ago. *.*
I dunno what's gotten into me.
Also. Don't ask. It's awful. And short, too, maybe that's why I was able to finish it, it's all kinds of fail really, I am not even posting it anywhere since I have pride but this journal is like a rubbish heap already so it doesn't make difference, and again I REALLY DON'T KNOW why i did angst and all that shit but it has some sort of resolve at the end I hope?
I will go and hide in the kitchen with the cover story of making food for myself now.
(and come back and re-read this after to find typos and grammar mistakes and such since it must be full with them but all the while if anyone finds any, please to be pointing them out, thankyou!!

Title: Cold
Author: I wouldn't call myself one.
Rating: *edit: PG-15 thank you, Crystal bb <333333333333
Genre: romance-ish, angst-ish?
Pairings: Kisung, Yewook (suju fandom)
Warnings: uhh... ultimate fail? and well, guess what, boyxboy... :D And well, yes, mentions of sex, nothing explicit, though
Disclaimer: no i don't own them, of course.
Summary: does this shit even need one? Okay, so... Kibum is gone for long months, having left his past life behind and focusing only on his future. Yesung, however, can't forget his dreams of spending that future together. (suck fic calls for suck summary.)

A/N: Sheena, honey, if this turned out any better I would have said it was for you but like this... I am sorry for my fail?XDXD
Also, just on a sidenote, look, both of our pairings. It's not even that hard to make them in one fic, if only I sucked lessXDXD Anyways, ILU to death, that's for sure.


The nights were the worst. It was dark and silent and it was completely empty – just like his soul. The nights were lonely, the perfect projections of what he felt inside, and there was nowhere to hide, because it was all the same everywhere, inside and out. During the days he was busy, he always fund something to occupy himself with, and there were all the others around so many of them that if he told himself enough times, it was almost like nothing was missing. If he concentrated hard enough, he did not have to pay attention to what it felt like inside.
But at night, there was no sound to listen to, except for his own unsteady, shaking breathing; no one to watch except for the haunting shadows on the empty wall; nothing to feel except for the cold sheets of his lonely bed, and the empty space in his arms and in his heart.
No matter how hard he fought, he could not lock out his thoughts of Kibum.
He’d been away for months already, and the phone calls just weren’t enough. They couldn’t replace his touches or his smile, and his voice sounded almost strange through the phone. His calls were not him… And his constantly repeated “I miss you”-s got more and more heartless, more and more… casual and empty each time.
Jongwoon was lonely, and Kibum did nothing to ease his pain.
And by now, there was no call from him whatsoever for five days already. Even though Jongwoon knew he must had been busy and dead tired by the end of each day, he couldn’t help the impression of being entirely forgotten and abandoned. Not like he blamed Kibum – it wasn’t his fault and Jongwoon forced himself through each day to feel proud of him. But all the while, he kept wondering how much he meant to Kibum if he was acting like this, while he had to push back his own tears every night after pressing the “end call” button on the phone and just stared at the screen till the background picture of two smiling boys got blurry.
He was so drawn in his own miserable little world that he never realized someone else noticing.
He never realized him watching over Jongwoon and he didn’t really understand anything even after Ryeowook crawled into his bed one night, pulling him into a tight hug and holding him till he fell asleep. The constant sounds of his own cracking heart overcame the quiet whisper “I can’t watch you being like this any longer.”
After all, he’s always been like that. He was the one always and forever there, till the point where his quiet and serene being did not draw any attention anymore. He was the one always there for everyone, especially for Jongwoon, never leaving him, never failing him, never missing one chance to make him smile, even if it was just a brief movement of the corner of his lips.
Ryeowook came that night, too, and Jongwoon held him close, head to chest, face buried in the crook of his neck. His light, fruity scent always put Jongwoon’s soul at ease – he smelt more like fruit flavoured ice cream with whipped cream on top, more like a late summer afternoon in the park with the flowers and trees putting all their last efforts in to claim the nature theirs till they could, than a man – but it felt somehow naturally comforting.
Still, this time, when Ryeowook told him it was alright to finally cry, his silent tears had already soaked the younger’s T-shirt.
Jongwoon had never felt so helpless, so lonely like that night; and when Wook tilted his head and looked into his unfocused eyes telling him that Kibum was going to return to him, he did not know what to say.
Instead, he just nodded and leant in – to find that Ryeowook’s lips were just as sweet as his scent, just as soft as his skin and just as caring as his tight hugs. The other boy didn’t flinch, didn’t pull away, didn’t protest – he just sighed ever so silently and kissed back.
His caressing fingers on Jongwoon’s skin seemed to slowly ease his tension and despair away. He was no way comparable to Kibum, his kiss was softer, his body was lithe and fragile, his movements were tender and his sighs were quieter, higher, sweeter that anything he’s ever heard before.
Every touch and kiss felt so right and obvious that not even a single thought crossed Jongwoon’s mind while his hands caressed the clothes off the small body, while trembling fingers made their way under his pants, while sharp yet gentle nails ran across his skin, plush lips breathed into his mouth and muffled moans tiptoed into his ears. None of them knew whose moans they were and it was not the time to be loud – Ryeowook broke a slow kiss and bit his own lower lip to prevent himself from crying out loud at the sharp, burning pain. Jongwoon brought a hand to the small scar and wiped away the single drop of blood.
Salty tears melted into the thin layer of sweat covering Ryeowook’s face without any of them noticing, not long before Jongwoon let out a moan, loud enough to echo in the room for a brief second for the first time, and collapsed on the bed next to Ryeowook. He immediately pulled him closer, despite the light shakes of the aftermath of pleasure, and their limbs tangled, holding on to each other stronger than any time before.
After moments of complete silence, Jongwoon raised his head, looking into Ryeowook’s glittering eyes watching over him.
“You’re crying” they whispered in unison and freeze, fingers stopping lazy movements on the other’s back.
“Is it because of him?” Someone had to break the silence, and Ryeowook knew that he was the stronger one amongst the two of them.
“Not really. More like... because of myself” Jongwoon admitted with a heavy sigh.
“At least we’re crying for the same reason, then” the other boy answered and smiled, invisibly trembling lips curling up to lure sunshine into the pitch dark of the room for an imaginary moment.
“I am not worth two people’s tears…” he reached up, smearing the wetness on Ryeowook’s cheeks.
“Don’t say that, Jongwoon. You are worth much more… and besides, I am the one deciding who I am giving the tears of my heart to.” Ryeowook did not stop smiling even at that.
“Does me being hurt like this hurt you this much, too?” he raised a brow unbelievingly.
“I guess so…”
Jongwoon slowly pushed himself up on his elbow, body hovering over Ryeowook, and with his free hand, he swept out a damp lock of hair of his face.
At that very moment, he could have sworn to the name of God he never saw anything more beautiful and perfect than the boy next to him. Maybe… just maybe Kibum’s heartwarming smile wasn’t even that beautiful.
Which warmth he could only remember now as it had left his heart long time ago, leaving nothing but cold darkness, emptier than a lonely Christmas midnight behind.
Jongwoon sighed again and closing his eyes for a second, he gathered all his strength and started listening inside, fists clenching around Ryeowook’s fingers in fear of the never-ending cries of pain he closed deep inside long months ago.
But to his surprise, all he heard was the cracking of the ice of freezingly lonely days and nights.
“I’ll have to protect both of us from hurting this much from now on then…” he whispered later as he watched Ryeowook’s chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm, after the boy fell asleep next to him for the first time since he started spending the nights by Jongwoon’s side.

Now I will be going and eating, and then maybe finish typing in another fic i have done, wich is, guess what, also fail. XD


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 15th, 2010 03:35 am (UTC)

at least you're writing. and you're still 50x better than the last time you wrote something in english. and 50x is actually an accurate estimate~ :D

also. rating. pg-15? it doesn't have to be hardcore porn to need a higher rating. O.O;;
Mar. 15th, 2010 05:03 pm (UTC)
XDXD now what are the hearts for?XDXD


Well, yeah, that's what I figured, too, I'll just have to fload you poor guys with tons of more shit like this and maybe at the end I turn out to be a fanfic writerXD to me it's still the vocabulary that is missing, though. when writing in hungarian, I tend to use rarely used words and long-long descriptions, and they are either missing from my vocabulary here or don't turn out well:S

ohkay, thanks^^


will do so tomorrow, though:D
Mar. 15th, 2010 09:00 pm (UTC)
oh i like this! :D
Mar. 18th, 2010 07:47 pm (UTC)
...lol really?XDXD

you're so sweet <3333333333333
Mar. 18th, 2010 08:53 pm (UTC)
yea really. XD
hihi my birthday's in 6 days... /blinks at you :D
how's you dooooiiin! O:
Mar. 18th, 2010 08:59 pm (UTC)
not 6. i mean. 9. of course. common typo.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )